Yearning
by Cathy Paige
Summary: Bella, determined to live free of betrayal and destruction, escapes to Forks, Wa in order to pick up the pieces of her shattered identity. Yet, forces beyond Bella's control keep her constantly on guard and under pressure. Canon pairings. Bella OOC..
1. Chapter 1

Bella, determined to live free of betrayal and destruction, escapes to Forks, Wa in order to pick up the pieces of her shattered identity. Yet, forces beyond Bella's control keep her constantly on guard and under pressure. Canon pairings. Bella OOC...

A/N: Thank you for joining me and Stephanie Meyer's characters on this journey. It's been a rather long time since I posted any of my work on ff, and I would greatly appreciate the support of my audience. Read and review often, and bear with me as I process my chapters and share them with you all. Again, thanks for at least checking out this story; I hope you enjoy your experience.

Disclaimer: All references to the Twilight series belong completely and unequivocally to Stephanie Meyer. I just enjoy changing things up a bit!

**"The second revelation came as I sat at the bar in morose solitude, pondering the cantilevered relationship between bartenders' gut and lower extremities, and this is important, so pay attention: before the big bang, before time itself, before matter, energy, velocity, there existed a single immeasurable state called yearning. This is the special force that on the day before days obliterated nothing into everything. It is the unseen strings tying planets to stars. It is the maddening want we feel from first breath to last light."**

**-In Plain Sight**

Chapter One

My father could not live in a sleepier town in a more dreary location if he tried. Forks, Washington was not London, and I felt acutely homesick as I made my way down to the kitchen to make my breakfast. Were it not for the fact that I had exiled myself to this town, I would be kicking and screaming, but I am here of my own volition. Who am I to lament my situation when it's self-inflicted? Charlie, my father, had left already for the police station. He was Chief Swan to the fine residents of Forks, and while I couldn't fathom what he must do all day, he seemed to take his job very seriously.

I grabbed a granola bar and a swig of milk as I rushed out the door. I was running late, and I didn't want to look poorly on my first day of school. I still had not gotten used to the constant rain which kept me up at night until I finally fell asleep from exhaustion, though most people consider London dreary and damp. Thus I tried, in vain, to ignore my alarm clock, slapping the snooze button one too many times. I climbed into my gun-barrel gray Land Rover LR4, shoving the rest of the granola bar into my mouth. The drive was quick and too soon I found myself in front of my new school. I got out, noticing the looks the others were giving me, _she must be the new girl_ they were probably thinking. I walked over to the administrative building, knowledgeable about the layout already. I had met with the principle and all my teachers last week, because of my handicap. Everyone except Mr. Varner seemed accommodating.

I walked inside, trying to shake off the light mist that covered my black raincoat already. I waited for Ms. Cope, the receptionist to take notice of me. Once she did, she beamed at me, speaking in what may have been a booming voice, except I was completely deaf to it. It made me laugh internally, knowing that no matter how loud she got, I would never have to stand listening to her. Reading her lips, I understood that I was clear to go about my day, but she asked that I come back at the end to report any issues or concerns. I thanked her and walked back out to the parking lot, grabbing my things for the day. _I sincerely hope there are no issues,_ I prayed as I made my way to my first class.

English was generally uneventful, with the exception of my first few moments in class. I had walked in, unsure of what to do as everyone took their seats, when someone ran into me. Instead of falling straight onto my face as trajectory had determined, I crouched and rolled out of it, landing cleanly on my feet. I faced the class, and everyone was staring. _Great, as if I wasn't a big enough topic of discussion already_ I thought. I turned to Mr. Barty sheepishly, embarrassed and upset that my classmates couldn't watch where they were going.

"Ms. Swan, that was remarkable. Why don't you introduce yourself to the class." That is precisely the response I did not want. I composed myself as I turned back around, _it's going to be okay_ I reminded myself.

"Hello, my name is Bella Bona- I mean Swan." There, I did it. Mr. Barty pointed out a seat in the middle of class that was vacant, and asked that I take my seat. I did so, trying in vain to disappear. Everyone blatantly stared at me throughout class, and only at the end did anyone get the guts to approach me. Angela Webber became my first friend in this god-forsaken town.

She tapped me on my shoulder, grabbing my attention. "Hi, my name is Angela. You're Isabella, right?" _Why did she ask me my name when I already introduced...you know what it doesn't matter_.

"Bella," I corrected. "It's nice to meet you Angela." I smiled as best I could, trying to be cordial.

"What is your next class?" she asked.

"Math," I responded.

"If you like I could show you where your class is? It's on the way to mine," Angela qualified.

I thought to brush her off, but decided against it. Angela was just trying to be nice, after all. "That would be great. Thanks," I said. We made our way over to the next building, the rain had picked up significantly, and we walking silently side by side. Once the next building's door came into view, I turned to Angela to get her to stop. "I think I can get it from here. Thanks again," I said.

"It's no problem. I just wanted to ask, are you really deaf?" Here come the questions, I thought.

"Yes, but I try my hardest to act normal." I was honest and blatant, hoping I could get Angela's' support.

"How do you plan on doing that?" she asked.

"I've spent every day since I lost my hearing learning to read lips and paying additional attention to my surroundings. Believe me when I say it helps." I looked at my watch, realizing just how close we both were to being late. "I don't think it would do well for either of us to be tardy," I said as I looked back up. Angela nodded brightly and started toward her class after saying goodbye. I continued on to mine as well, finding it and my seat with no compunction this time. Thankfully Mr. Varner did not request I introduce myself, but rather stood at the front of the class robotically explaining the concepts we were going to cover next in the course.

Mr. Varner had been the least accommodating when I had met with all the teachers the week before. He apparently taught the entire class with his back turned, writing on the dry erase board while he spoke. He was not accustomed to facing the class, which in turn made him rather upset. Yet, because of my disability, I had requested that all my teachers face the class as much as possible, so that I wouldn't miss any key lessons. Mr. Varner had nearly walked out of the meeting when I said this, scoffing at the idea that a student could dictate his teaching style. I made a point to show Mr. Varner and the others that I was willing and able to go to the school board regarding my simple request should anyone have issue with it.

It was a shame our relationship had to begin on such rocky circumstances. I was bluffing, of course, but they didn't know that. Mr. Greene, the principle, had pulled Mr. Varner out of his office after I pronounced my intent to go to the school board, and when they returned, Mr. Varner was reticent. Now, as he stood in front of his students, he glared at me as if I were doing him great injury. He inched closer to the board until his back was practically touching it and finally broke down, turning around and picking up a marker. I shook my head as he worked furiously on the board, his writing my only link to his teaching.

When class had ended, another student, Eric Yorkie, introduced himself in much the same manner as Angela had. I imagined him as a dog, obediently following me to my next class, government. Yet, it was completely different this time, as Eric tried to keep up a steady breath of conversation. I could read lips, but I could not walk and read lips. He must have gotten frustrated at my lack of response because he stopped me just outside my next class.

"Are you okay? Did I say something to upset you?" he asked.

The question became whether or not to tell him of my disability. It did not appear that he was aware, so I could just play it off as worrying about homework or something like that. "No, you didn't say anything to upset me," I started. "I was just thinking about my next class, I'm sorry if I seemed distant," I finished. Play it off. In my previous life, I had everyone trained to not speak while we walked, and to grab my attention somehow before beginning. It appeared I would have to do the same here, but I only hoped I could be more subtle than in my previous life.

"Oh, okay. That's cool. Well, we're here," he indicated pointing to the door where my next teacher, Mr. Jefferson stood in the doorway.

"Thanks Eric," I said.

"You're welcome," he intoned before he walked in the other direction. Again the image of a dog came to mind, and I shook my head, trying to dislodge the less than flattering description from my brain. Mr. Jefferson was kind to me, allowing me to sit on the side of the class toward the back, and not forcing me to introduce myself. I paid attention throughout class, never taking any notes, just absorbing what he said. It had occurred to me years ago that I could recall minute details from conversations and books that I read, which came into good use when I lost my hearing.

I was eight when the oncologist diagnosed my leukemia, and right before my 9th birthday I woke up one day completely deaf. I was terrified, but they soon discovered why I suddenly lost my hearing. The tumor had affected that part of my brain, and while I was in remission now for six years, my ability to hear never returned. I practiced with a speech therapist, learning to read lips and sign language, until I was proficient in both. I believe my ability to recall conversations well helped me master both skills. Now my instant recall came into use when I had to look up at the teacher constantly to catch every phrase he or she said. It eliminated any note taking on my part, allowing me full access to the lessons being taught. I imagine had my life been different, I would be in college right now, but such is life, right?

This time, a classmate from my first period approached me after class was released. Mike Newton was perhaps the most puppy dog-like, similar to a golden retriever, as he graciously asked if I needed assistance to my next class. Since I had not turned the first two interlocutors down, I had no basis to do so now. Mike spoke to me as we walked, but he seemed more aware, trying his best to face me while we made our way to my Spanish class. He stopped, like the others, just before we reached the classroom door.

"Hey, I know that you're new to this town and all, but I am putting together a trip to La Push at some point this semester. Would you be interested?" I could almost see his wagging tail as he asked me.

"Sure, what's La Push?" I asked.

"It's the Quileute Reservation, there's ocean access there." Ah, the ocean, now I remembered. Charlie had told me about it, but he was still unaccustomed to my disability, and I missed more than half the conversation that night.

"Sounds lovely," I said.

"Great, well I'll let you know more once the weather starts to warm up," he said before leaving to head to his next class. Spanish was the worst, by far, for the teacher asked me to introduce myself in front of the class, speaking only Spanish. When I was done sharing my name, she continued asking me questions in Spanish, no doubt testing my skill level, but it was embarrassing still. Finally the inquisition ended, and she sent me to sit next to a girl I recognized from English class, Jessica Stanley. It seemed that she had gained some courage over the last two periods, because she tried to start a conversation with me.

I looked at her and smiled before whispering, "We have lunch next right?"

"Yes," she responded.

"I would love to talk to you then, but I need to pay attention now," I said, praying she wouldn't think I was blowing her off.

"Oh, OK," she said, slightly baffled that I would want to participate in class. We both turned to the front, and Jessica started taking notes as I paid close attention to what the teacher said. It was harder, reading lips in another language, but not impossible. When our class was released, Jessica got up without so much as a look at me, and I knew I had upset her.

I grabbed her arm, and she turned to look at me. "I'm sorry," I began. Almost all the students had left, leaving a few stragglers at the front. I was confident they could not hear me. "I'm deaf," I deadpanned. "I can read lips, but it requires all my concentration." I hoped this would make sense, easing any tension that had built up over class.

"Right!" Jessica exclaimed. "I totally forgot, you seem so...is normal a good word?"

"Yes, it is. That's what I strive for. I just want to be treated the same as everyone else, you know?" Again I was working to persuade a student to keep my disability on the down low.

"Of course! That's cool. I totally understand," she said. _Obviously_ I thought. What is it every teenager wants, to be understood. We made our way to the cafeteria, Jessica clearly making every effort to not speak while we walked. I appreciated her consideration, and soon we were in line to get our lunches. I noticed everyone was staring at me, again. Perhaps news of my Jedi skills had spread already, or maybe I was just fresh meat that needed to be examined. Once we had lunch in hand, Jessica and I were hailed down by Mike Newton, my golden retriever from earlier. Jessica seemed overly excited to be sitting with Mike, which made me wonder, _does she have a crush on him?_

As eyes started drifting away from me, I began to examine the other students. It was clear that our school was small, as this lunch period held half the student body. Yet, nothing seemed to catch my interest until I laid eyes on _them_. Their ethereal beauty and undeniable grace struck me like a ton of bricks, yet they all seemed oddly familiar. "Who are _they_?" I asked Jessica. I gave her my full attention.

"Oh, they're the Cullens and the Hales. The two blondes are twins, Jasper and Rosalie Hale, and the others are Emmett, Alice, and Edward Cullen." Rosalie and Jasper sat next to each other at the table, while the other three sat on the other side. I could easily enough find a resemblance between the twins, but I could not find any matching characteristics amongst the others. _How odd_ I thought. "They're all adopted," Jessica continued. Suddenly their relationship made sense. The Cullens must be unrelated to one another.

"Who would adopt five teenagers?" I thought aloud.

"Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his wife," Jessica said. "They're both really young themselves. Dr. Cullen works at the hospital," Jessica added.

"That's awfully generous of them," I said, my gaze switching between the strange family and Jessica.

"Mrs. Cullen can't have kids, apparently," Jessica said this as if it made their philanthropic methods less honorable. "The Hale twins are her niece and nephew, the others they adopted from the system," Jessica explained further. I looked back to the others, and noticed the copper-headed boy speaking very quickly, almost too quickly for me to follow. I couldn't believe it as he recounted my conversation with Jessica! _Unless I wasn't seeing things clearly_, I thought. I decided to test them a bit.

"Who's the one sitting at the end? The boy with the penny colored hair?" I asked. I noticed that the boy looked up at us before Jessica answered.

"Edward, but it's not worth it," Jessica replied. I noticed Edward's lip quirk upwards just slightly.

"What's not worth it?" I asked. I was completely lost with Jessica's response.

"He doesn't date, apparently no one is good enough for him," Jessica said. I looked back in time to see Edward repeat what Jessica had just said. His frame shook as he did so, i_s he laughing_ I wondered.

"What if he's gay?" I asked in all honesty. This question got his attention. Edward whipped his head around and stared directly at me. The look in his eyes perplexed me, _was he upset_? Then he crinkled his eyes in confusion, stumped by something. I continued to look at him until Jessica tapped my shoulder. I returned my focus to her, first noticing the awe and then the hurt in her eyes. Her reaction affected me, stirring pity in its sorrow. _Had Edward Cullen burned her already_?

"He was looking directly at you," she said. I imagine her response was in a whisper since she leaned in closer, instinctively.

"I am the new girl who wiped out in first period," I reminded Jessica. She was not satisfied with that answer though. Yet before she could try and analyze the potential implications of Edward's glance, I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye. Looking to its source, I saw the small one with inky black hair get up and walk, well more like dance, to the trash can where she disposed her entire uneaten lunch. I looked back at their table, and saw Edward looking at me expectantly. Yet, the others started to move just then, and his attention was drawn away from me. I watched as each left the cafeteria before returning my gaze back to Jessica.

"I think he's attracted to you," she pronounced.

"I highly doubt that," I responded. He looked confused, not interested in me. The bell rang, which I felt through the soles of my shoes. I got up unenthusiastically, a pang of desire shooting through me to continue staring at the beautiful creature that had captivated me throughout lunch. Regardless, I made my way to Biology, golden retriever in tow. Apparently Mike had the same class as me, _Joy!_

"So I already have a lab partner otherwise I would ask you to be mine," Mike said as we closed in on the biology lab.

"That's fine, I understand," I said, silently thanking God for not pairing me up with the golden retriever. We walked the rest of the way inside, and immediately I saw Edward. There was a fan trained on the class in the corner of the room, and stepping in its path, I watched as his eyes turned pitch black, his features becoming statuesque. I had seen this before, but I couldn't understand why he looked at me as if I were the Antichrist. I turned my back on him, aware of Edward's eyes trained on me. I stepped over to Mr. Banner's desk to address him. "Good afternoon Mr. Banner," I said. He was my favorite teacher from my meeting, for he seemed most eager to help me adjust.

"Good afternoon indeed. I only have one open seat in this class, so you will need to pair up with Edward," he said. Suddenly I felt the pit of my stomach drop below my knees. _He looked ready to kill me_ I thought as I smiled at Mr. Banner and made my way over to the lab stool next to _him. _I tried my best to move slowly, but it seemed that every step I took heightened Edward's reaction to me. Finally I was seated next to him, and it occurred to me. Nothing I can do will save me, Edward is in control. I breathed in, slowly releasing it along with my fear. I saw Edward's head move infinitesimally, perhaps in reaction to my heart rate slowing down.

I decided to go for broke, "Hello." I spoke quietly, but I looked at him for any response. He did nothing. He said nothing. It seemed as if it took every ounce of control he had to stay seated. I turned back to the front, dutifully listening to Mr. Banner lecture. It was hard to concentrate, every time I stole a glance at Edward my heart rate would pick up again. I knew he could hear my reactions to him, but I would force my heart rate down nonetheless. By the end of class, the tension was palatable, and Edward darted quickly out of his seat and through the door when the bell rang.

"What you do to Edward?" Mike asked as he came around my table. "It looked like you stabbed him with your pencil or something."

"No, though the thought may have crossed my mind," I said. I was kicking myself mentally, for it wasn't Edward's terrifying reaction to me that had me constantly looking at him, but rather his beauty. I could not afford to form attachments, not when I had so many other things to focus on. My stay in Forks was a limited, and I had every intention of high-tailing it out of there as soon as I graduated high school. There were events that were inevitable in my life, and I wanted to be as far away from my father as was humanly possible. I needed to protect him from my downfall.

"I'm sorry you have to be his lab partner," Mike consoled. "What's your last class?" He changed topics so rapidly I had to think for a moment.

"Phys ed," I said. I was dreading this class the most, because Coach Clapp had to bend her rules for me, something I wish I didn't have to request. When I was 12, just on the eve of my 13th birthday, I was taken. My mother and I had been on holiday in Nigeria, feeding the poor and helping to build a hospital. One night, I was kidnapped from my hotel room, and it would be six months before I would see a friendly face. I survived out of spite, I was positive, for no normal human could sustain wounds like I had. My life appeared to be one grand drama after another, fate never allowing the noose around my neck to slacken as he found new and inventive ways to try and kill me. With my tumor and then my abduction, I learned that everything I experienced could potentially become my next near death experience. I could almost laugh at the hilarity my story invoked, the pure satire God was forming in one tiny individual.

However, the scars, real as were my experiences, still scared me when I caught myself in the mirror. I hated to think about the reactions from my fellow students, which is why I had asked Coach Clapp to allow me to dress in sweats and a long sleeved t-shirt instead of the standard shorts and short sleeved t-shirt. During the meeting before the start of school, it had appeared Coach Clapp would not allow me to 'dress down' as she called it. After pulling off my blazer and button-up shirt, leaving me in a tank top and dark skinny jeans, my point became exceedingly clear. The principle looked god-smacked as I redressed and told me that I could wear whatever I needed to in order to feel comfortable in gym. Coach Clapp appeared mollified that her authority had been usurped, but she also seemed near tears every time she looked at me from that point forward.

I walked into the girl's locker room, making a beeline for the bathroom stalls. Once I relieved myself, I quickly changed into the clothing I purchased at Coach Clapp's instruction. Some of the girls gave me a funny look when I exited, but otherwise didn't respond. We came out to the gym, and Coach Clap began demonstrating the sport we were going to learn first, volleyball. I breathed a sigh of relief as we sat on the bleachers watching Coach Clapp. I was capable of saving myself from an attack, but I was unequipped to play team sports. I was spared any embarrassment for at least one day, and my final class ended quickly. _Thank God_.

After class, I changed discreetly in a shower stall, and slipped out of the locker room. I walked over to the administrative building as Ms. Cope had instructed and stepped inside. Immediately I had the strong desire to leave, for standing at the desk was none other than Edward Cullen. He appeared to be in an argument with her. I watched as he requested she move him to any Biology class other than the one he was currently in. Ms. Cope apologized, but said that all the classes were already filled to capacity. It appeared that Edward was unaccustomed to rejection as he made every attempt to change the circumstances.

The door abruptly opened behind me, a student sliding inside easily, and a draft pulled in the bitter cold air from outside. Edward froze, turning around slowly, his eyes like pitch once more. He apologized to Ms. Cope quickly before exiting the building. I breathed a sigh of relief as I moved to the front desk. I told Ms. Cope that I had no issues _except for Mr. Varner who was an imbecile and Edward who was insufferable_, and left. Once inside my car, I began to tremble. Not from the cold, but from the reaction I elicited from Edward. I had only been party to those eyes once before, and even now the memory frightens me.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: To start, I just want to congratulate all you who decided to continue reading. Bravo! I posted this chapter immediately after the first to give you all an opportunity to sink your teeth into Bella's character development. Please R/R, and thanks for all your support.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or its characters. Stephanie Meyer is a genius, and I love taking the path not taken in order to pay homage to her work and style.

Chapter Two

I was 14 years old, walking in Venice while working on a project for my grandfather. I felt as if someone were watching me, and I continued on making every step with calculated precision. There was a shift in the shadows before me, and I crouched low, pulling out my gloc 9. I aimed at the person I knew was lying in wait, and just before I pulled the trigger, something inside me told me to move my aim. I did and squeezed the trigger, waiting for a response.

A man with pitch black eyes approached me with steady feet. I couldn't think, could barely breath as he walked. _I shot him!_ I screamed internally. He looked almost sallow under the street lamp, robes cloaking him for the most part, and black hair that barely brushed his shoulders. I stared in shock as he separated the folds of his cloak, dislodging the bullet. Then he spoke in the most melodic voice I had ever heard. "You shot me," he said in perfect Italian.

I trained my weapon at him again, scared for my life that a kill shot would do nothing to this man. _Is he wearing a vest?_ I wondered. "Stay right there," I shouted.

"I don't think I will," he responded as he began to circle me. I followed his steps, always keeping my eye on his forehead. I didn't want to fail this time. After we had made one circuit, he spoke again. "I've never been shot before," he seemed confused by this fact.

"Well, unless you would like some more lead, I suggest you leave me the hell alone," I responded in a bravado voice that didn't match my terrified thoughts.

"Oh, but I have no intention of ever getting shot again," he said as he peeled away from me. I took a deep breath, kicking off my shoes and desperately feeling the air for movement, trying to keep as quiet as possible. I felt the air shift to my left and I whirled around, but before I could make out any shapes, I felt the air shift again, this time behind me. I hit the deck quickly, just in time to feel something slice through the air where I had just been. I rolled back onto my feet, and instinctively popped off another shot to my right after feeling the air shift from my left again. The man stopped once more, his back to me. He turned and I saw the bullet lodged in his forehead. I wanted to scream, but fear rocketed through me. _How could this man still be standing like nothing happened after I shot him point blank?_ I began to imagine unloading the entire magazine into him, but couldn't stand the possibility that he would still be standing.

I dropped my gun, and steadied myself for death, for it was obvious this creature wanted to kill me, and there was clearly no way for me to survive this. The man, having dislodged the bullet, took in my new stance. "Are you so easily defeated?" he asked.

"No, I just don't see the point in fighting some creature that can't be defeated. What are you?" I asked.

"What I am will ensnare the senses and enchant the mind, but more importantly, the question is who are you?" He looked giddy as he waited for a response.

I decided to be candid, as I knew I was on the brink of my own destruction. "My name is Isabella Bonacera." My name had been officially changed during my absence, and I wore it like a badge of honor during the years that followed my return. It would take the destruction of my trust and respect for the most beloved man in my life to cause me to change it back to Swan.

Tilting his head to the side in utter confusion he asked, "how did you learn to shoot like that?" Laughter escaped me at the inane question, but I would allow him to interrogate me as long as I could, perhaps increasing my chances of survival.

"My grandfather taught me," I responded.

"And why did you remove your shoes?" he asked.

"Better to sense your movements." I paused, deciding whether to continue with further explanation. The crease between his eyes told me he didn't understand. "I'm deaf," I said. This seemed to stop him short.

"You're deaf, but how can you hold a conversation with me?"

"I read lips," I responded.

"But I'm speaking to you in Italian," he said. "You're accent clearly tells me you're from London."

"I am, but I learned Italian years before I lost my hearing. Another skill my grandfather imparted on me. I lost my hearing to leukemia, I am remission now." This was entirely more information than he had asked for, but again I was trying to stay alive.

He continued to gaze at me in the most perplexing manner, as if he had never really been around another living creature until now. "You are very interesting. How does a gun slinging, British deaf girl find herself in the middle of Venice?"

"I'm here to kill my cousin Vincent. He's been causing several problems within the family and needs to be silenced." This was the complete and uncensored truth. I had been commissioned by my grandfather, the don of our family, to do away with the scumbag who will be formerly known as Vincent Bonacera. He had been making bad deals and lending people money who couldn't repay. When he went after them for payment, he lost them to Inpterpol. He was a disgrace. It was my job to make an example of him. However, these details seemed insignificant in comparison to the ethereal creature who held my humanity in his indestructible hands.

"You're an assassin, a mercenary? How old are you?" he asked.

"I'm 14. No, I'm not insane, my precision gun-fire clearly demonstrated the reality of my previous statement, and yes, you may tag along." I hoped my sudden stroke of genius played out the way I wanted. If he was this interested in me now, just wait until he saw me in my element.

"You would like me to see you in action?" he said questioningly.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?" I inquired. I tried to form my words nonchalantly, ignoring the rushing blood through my veins, nearly crippling me through the velocity of my body's reactions to the situation.

"Well, it just seems like the type of industry that requires the utmost secrecy." This man continued to amaze me.

"Why does secrecy matter when my death is eminent?" I retorted.

"Good point, but what if I were to spare your life? You seem intriguing enough to keep alive for a while." He crinkled his eyes, as if contemplating the idea. "But I would have to secure certain contracts of silence from you."

"As if anyone would believe me," I stated. I nearly began to laugh again, but hysteria was hot on my heels now.

"Who would? It is hard to say, but in any case, were you to share this encounter with anyone else, you would die," he said matter-of-factly. I imagined this creature eating a steak with the same precision with which he spoke to me. It was almost as if he had completely forgotten the violent exchange that just occurred.

Not one to disappoint, I responded. "Obviously that makes sense." Yet, were it not for the fact that I could not kill this SOB, he would already be dead.

"I would love to join you, if you don't mind," he said at last. I smiled as best I could, glad that he had made the decision to keep me alive for now. Though clearly unstable, he seemed like the sort who could be persuaded. I was banking on this hunch as I spoke next.

"Not at all. I don't leave survivors, so you won't have to worry about anyone else sharing their experience." I hit these men when they were most vulnerable, at around 3 or 4 in the morning. Normally their guards were asleep, and those who weren't could be easily silenced. Some of the men I've been sent after don't have guards, but it's always easier to do my job in the dead of night. Tonight I was going after a lower officer, but he would have a couple men at his house. His wife and children were on vacation, which is why I was here now. I did not kill innocent people, no matter what the circumstances.

I put my shoes back on and holstered my weapon. I continued walking in the direction I had been going, this time with my mysterious interlocutor at my side. "What's your name?" I asked suddenly, having realized he never revealed that particular detail.

"Demitri," he responded simply.

"You never did answer my question," I continued. "What are you?"

"You'd never believe it if I told you," Demitri said.

"You might as well tell me, I'll figure it out one way or another," I responded. I stopped, waiting for him to tell me.

"Vampire," Demitri said, seemingly resigned to my curious nature. I nearly fell out, I was so unimpressed with his nonsense, but then I saw it, a flicker of angst flashed across his face. He seemed almost hurt. He was telling me the truth.

Shock penetrated ever cell in my body, deflating my lungs with sheer velocity. "You mean, your intent back there was to drink my blood?" I asked at last. I was incredulous still, but as I watched Demitri respond to my question, it became clear he believed what he was telling me.

"Yes, but I was satiated, I just thought you looked so irresistible. Your blood is rather sweet smelling. I am surprised I was able to set aside my desire long enough to learn more about you. Otherwise..." he let the sentence fall short, allowing possibilities to brew in my mind.

"I see, and now?" I continued. I wished for a way to escape this lunatic, but could not see a way out. My gun was impotent; what was to say martial arts would have any better result?

"Now?" he repeated. "Now I am in trouble. You must understand, I cannot keep you alive, but I do not wish to kill you."

"No, I don't understand," I responded. "Why can't you allow me to live?" We were back where we started, and once again my anxiety grew.

"It is not our way," he responded. "Our law dictates that I must kill you for knowing our secret." My face must have looked absolutely ghostly as the chill of his statement met my ears.

"There are more of you?" I asked. I started to look around for others. I had never thought that there would be more people here. What if they were like this lunatic?

"Oh yes, and our ruling class would have me destroyed for keeping you. If there were only a way to trick them," Demitri pondered.

"How would they find out, unless you told them," I said. I scrambled in my mind for a solution, but found none. I continued to probe the shadowy corners of the night, praying that he was completely delusional and we were in fact alone.

"Aro has his ways, but he hasn't touched me for more than a second in over a century. Perhaps if I hid my memories of you, tucked them away, he would not find them interesting." Demitri looked off past me, in thought over what he just said. I was confused beyond belief, but then again the man stopped making sense when he said he was a vampire.

"How would he be able to see your memories?" I asked. I mean, who could see the memories of others? That was absurd.

"Aro is a very powerful vampire, and he can see into the minds of those around him, but I know that he has described his gift like a ledger. He can access every entry in the mind, but it takes him time and effort to process what he receives. Perhaps if I work to overlay meaningless events on top of my memories of you, he will get bored and move on." He seemed to think this was possible, while I stared at him, completely lost.

"Who is Aro, and what are you talking about?" I responded questioningly.

"He must have physical contact with the object of his inquiry, but as for how it works, who knows," was Demitri's response. Demitri no longer seemed to be in touch with the conversation, going on about this Aro and his abilities. I decided to play along. Without any other plan, it was all I had to go on.

"Do you have any special gifts?" I asked.

"I can track anyone anywhere," Demitri said. He looked at me, telling me through the silence that he can track me also.

"Well, that's nice," I said, suddenly recalling why I was here to begin with. "I need to get started or else I'll lose the opportunity to finish my task." I turned and continued on, only a few short blocks from the house now. As I walked, Demitri kept tempo with my stride, but I could tell he was preoccupied. With each step I took I felt my existence slip away. If this man were truly insane, than his ability to survive 9 mm bullets would come in handy when he attempted to kill me again. And I was positive he would do just that. I tried to ignore him, but his presence was undeniably frightening. _A vampire?_ I asked myself. _Who would actually say something like that?_

We finally made our way to the house, and I moved to the back where I had already assessed a weak point of entry. I waited for my eyes to adjust as I took off my shirt, gun holster, pants and shoes, pulling out a pair of gloves and soft-soled shoes that matched the black body suit I had on underneath. Demitri watched in silence as I prepared. I slung the holster onto my shoulders again, checking to make sure the gloc was securely in place before scaling the wall of the old house, climbing through a window on the second story. It lead to a child's room, and I had to fight the urge to scream as I walked to the door. Demitri was fast on my heels, never skipping a beat. _If he were truly a vampire_ my thoughts began. I extinguished the idea before it became a plausible consideration. _There is just no way he could be a vampire! He's insane and inherently strong, that's all_, I tried to reassure myself, but I knew I was failing miserably.

I cracked the door open and looked down the hall, no one. Good. I opened the door the rest of the way, mindful of the creaking door jam, and raced over to the master suite. Gaining entrance easily, I slipped inside with Demitri, stalking over to the side of the bed that rose and fell with ease. I turned the light on, pulling my gloc out and pointing it at the man. He woke up disoriented before he saw me and the gun. He made to scream, but I was faster. I hit his windpipe with my right fist, rendering him unable to speak. I grabbed him by his receding hairline, and pulled him onto the floor, positioning him on his knees.

"You will listen to me," I began. "Don Joseph is terribly displeased with you, and for that reason you must die." I spoke with authority and depravity, but in the back of my mind I couldn't keep my thoughts off Demitri. He was just too big of an unknown variable to forget.

"Il Dulce?" he whispered.

I smirked at that, liking my nick name for no apparent reason. "Yes, il Dulce," I responded before grabbing his head with both of my hands, the gloc thrown on the bed for now. "Goodbye Vincent," I whispered in his ear just before I broke his neck, killing him instantly. With my target dead, and the other men unaccounted for, I swept back over to the door, peering once more down the hallway, no one still.

I made quick work of the two men who were sound asleep downstairs. Apparently Vincent didn't feel it was necessary to have protection that could actually protect him. I located his video surveillance room easily, and I checked the computer for any copies Vincent Dumbass could have been making. None, great. I removed the computer from its home, and took it with me. Don't want any evidence I was here. To date, my record was spotless, everyone assuming a man was responsible for the deaths. Il Dulce, the Duke, they called me like from that movie Boondock Saints. Laughable really, but then again, what can one expect from such an unoriginal group of patriarchal bastards.

Once outside the house, I began walking over to the vehicle that I had left here hours before which sat several blocks away from the house. Demitri in tow, I looked expectantly at him before climbing in, turning the ignition as he got in as well. "That was impressive," he said as we peeled out of there.

"Thanks," I responded. "You really are a vampire aren't you?" I asked. Several moments had passed as I wove around the city's streets, creating distance between me and the murders I had just perpetrated.

"You're only now just coming terms with that fact I assume?" Demitri responded. It had occurred to me during the job that regardless of whatever this man said, he clearly held the upper hand. It was only in my best interest to go along with his story.

"I am," I said easily.

"Why?" he asked.

"Self-preservation." We drove in silence after that. I couldn't tell what he thought of my answers, but apparently he liked what he heard. When I came to a stop in front of my hotel, he got out and stopped me in front of the door.

"La Duchessa," he said, addressing me as my moniker should be. "I would love the privilege to get to know you better. Is this something you could allow?"

"Yes," I breathed _as if I had any real choice_ I mused.

"Good, then in that case, chaio," he waved abruptly before walking away. Leaving me to my thoughts.

That night changed my life forever, and now, as I broke down in my vehicle, I couldn't help but wonder why my life seemed like one chaotic mess after another. Why couldn't the attractive unattainable boy at school be just another jock without a clue? I was furious, because I knew that my life here would be anything but normal, and I didn't know what to do about that.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: You know, I never truly understood the magnificent undertaking writing fan fiction is until now. The depth of my insecurities is massive as I continue to post with no reviews posted from my audience. Whatever your opinion of my story is, I would greatly appreciate a review from you. Thank you for reading this far, and as always, I hope you enjoy this tale.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Twilight is all Stephanie Meyer.**

Chapter Three

The next day both terrified and excited me. I was scared because now I was aware that there were five cold-blooded vampires at my school, and I was excited for the opportunity to see Edward again. I knew it was completely illogical, I knew what kind of danger these creatures posed, but something was different about them. Their eyes, when not black, were golden honey, something I could not wrap my head around. Why are they able to integrate so well? What do they do for food? There isn't an extraordinary amount of unexplained deaths in the Washington state area. I just could not understand how seven vampires could live in society without raising suspicion.

After I initially met Demitri, he quickly became my friend. Yet, it was a friendship of necessity, Demitri's threat to kill me should I tell anyone about his true nature one of the primary reasons he inserted himself into my life. I couldn't deny however, that I relied on him more and more as time went by. He was the only person aside from my grandfather I felt I could talk to at the time. And after, well, after things changed for me, Demitri was the only individual I could confide in.

I got dressed and ready for school in record time, leaving the house with knots forming in my stomach with every step I took to my Land Rover. I considered not going, fear gripping me as I started the ignition, but my curiosity won out. I hoped that Edward satiated his thirst before school today, or else I was in for another intense biology lesson. As I entered the school's parking lot, I saw Rosalie, Jasper, Emmitt, and Alice standing around a shiny Volvo, but no Edward. My breath hitched slightly as I considered the possibilities. Was my blood too much to bear? Could Edward be laying in wait to strike at me away from the other students?

I touched my side and felt my ribcage, realizing just how vulnerable I was without my gun. I couldn't even slow one of them down if it became necessary. I gingerly stepped out of my Land Rover, and four sets of eyes turned to face me. I closed mine, summoning all of my courage and walked passed them into the school without staring in return. I so desperately wanted to call Demitri for advice, but I was afraid he would tell me to move. I didn't want to leave Forks, not when Charlie and I were just starting to rebuild our relationship. No, I would leave Demitri out of this unless the situation deteriorated. That is if I would be given the chance to tell him.

Classes up until my lunch hour proceeded with relative ease, only golden retriever Mike giving me any issue. Even Mr. Varner tried to face the front more often than not, a feat I was infinitely grateful for. As I entered the cafeteria though, I attempted to even out my heart rate, afraid that the others would sense my fear of confronting _him_. Yet, one sweep with my eyes proved that Edward was not there. I breathed slightly easier each moment that passed sans Edward. Yet, even an hour in his absence could not calm my nerves as I entered the biology classroom. I readied myself for those eyes, but once again was relieved to see his spot empty.

I hoped that I wasn't the reason for his absence, but I could think of no other excuse as I sat and listened to Mr. Banner's lesson. Finally, after another day of demonstration in gym, my day at school was over. I quickly changed and fled to my Land Rover, desperately hoping that Edward's siblings wouldn't be out there yet. Unfortunately I was not so lucky, and I knew they could sense my erratic heart beat as I started my car. My only solace was that none of them appeared to be nearly as affected by my scent as Edward was. I drove to the grocery store, hoping to forget my fear and anxiety, when Demitri texted.

**How are you holding up?** he asked. I thought about ignoring him, but realized he would only get more concerned if I didn't respond.

**Fine. At the grocery store.** There. Not too much detail, yet distracted enough to show that my response is normal instead of trite.

**I'd like to see you soon. When can you log on to chat?** We had both invested in web cameras when I decided to move, and now I wish he didn't have the capability to see me. I wasn't sure I could hide the information I had from him.

**This weekend I'll let you know.** The thought of lying to Demitri made me sick, but I knew I would have to. Demitri was the only individual who knew everything about me; I just hoped he would understand why I couldn't tell him about Edward, not yet at least.

The next few days preceded in much the same manner as Tuesday had. Edward never returned to biology, and I was able to slowly release the tension I had built up that first day. His other siblings essentially ignored me, all except Rosalie who would stare at me for several moments before turning away. What she was thinking of in those moments was beyond me, but her gaze was steely, like ice. I wanted to approach her, but I didn't dare. What if proximity was necessary for them to lose control?

The weekend came, and for the first time in my life, I was bored. I basked in my new state of mind, and reveled in the possibilities. Yet, as soon as boring got boring, I decided to rearrange my room. When I was a young girl, I began practicing martial arts. I loved the technique and discipline the sport required. My grandfather always teased me that it took a mat under my feet to keep me upright, because I would trip over myself otherwise. I moved my desk closer to my bed, creating a large enough space to place several thick mats on the floor, and I assembled three floor-length mirrors I had purchased last week, placing them strategically around so I could see myself when I practiced.

I examined my work, realizing just how cramped my room felt now, but it was necessary. No other space in the house could accommodate my particular passion. I removed my desk chair all together in order to allow for more space, seeing as how I had yet to use the desk to perform any task other than hold my laptop and books when I wasn't using them. I decided to suit up and practice, and before I realized it, two hours went by, my focus never wavering. Sweat dripped from my hair and down my neck, forcing me into the shower a second time today.

I had texted Demitri that I would talk to him on Saturday around eight pm. I did my homework quickly, getting food ready for Charlie when he returned from the station. I kind of liked the domestic quality my life had taken since moving in with my father; it helped ease my tension and stress rather well. When eight rolled around, I found myself practically giddy to see my friend again as I sat down on my bed, laptop in hand. I logged on, and immediately was assaulted with a chat request.

"Hi Demitri," I said as I accepted it.

"Hello love," he responded. "How was your first week of school?"

I laughed hysterically. "Love?" I asked. _Since when did he call me love? _I wondered.

"I got you to say it," Demitri retorted. "I don't believe I've ever heard you say that word before."

"Oh stop it," I said. "My first week was fine, nearly fell on my face the first day, but otherwise no incident."

"Any cute boys wishing to steal you away?" _Not in a good way,_ I thought.

"Cute boys who wished to steal me away? Well I do have a golden retriever named Mike." He was cute, but that was the extent of accolades I could bestow.

"Hmm, will I need to tell this Mike that you are to be treated with utmost respect and dignity?" Demitri asked. I almost fell over I was laughing so hard.

"Demitri!" I exclaimed. "He is the antithesis of evil. He would be so scared of you, I think he would probably pee in his pants if you ever tried to tell him that." I continued laughing, my eyes watering, making it impossible to see clearly. I wiped away the tears and saw a look I didn't recognize on Demitri's face. "What?" I asked.

"I've just never seen you this uninhibited before." He looked almost wistful as he said this.

"Yes you have-"

"No, I don't believe I have. You must remember my memory is better than yours, and I've never seen you laugh yourself to tears." He paused then, but I could tell he had more to say. "Are you happy?" he asked suddenly.

"Yes, very much so," I responded honestly. Even strange vampire family included in my thoughts, I _was _happy.

"That's good, I'm glad," Demitri responded.

"Are you?" I asked.

I saw pain briefly cross his features before he answered yes. I wanted desperately to ask him about what I saw, but I knew that I would be asking for trouble if I did. Instead, I smiled at Demitri, hopefully giving to him what he wanted, my happiness. "How are you and Charlie?" he asked.

"Great. I kind of like taking care of him. Makes me feel important," I said.

"You are important," Demitri told me. I loved to hear him defend me even against myself. "You should think more highly of yourself," he continued.

"I do, I was just teasing," I responded.

"Why don't I believe you?" Demitri asked.

"Because you're naturally cynical and can't accept the truth when you hear it," _and because I'm bald-face lying, but you'll never hear me say that._

"I miss you," Demitri said suddenly. I could never deny the sincerity in his statement, because he would look at me with such longing, as if I were the holy grail he could never reach.

"How's my mother?" I asked, trying to keep the conversation off that particular topic.

"She misses you, but she's glad you've been able to settle in well." My only link to my mother was through Demitri. As far as the family knew, we had a big falling out in which she basically gave me to Charlie to get rid of me, but to the three of us, it was a ploy to give me an exit strategy. She had no idea what terrible things I did for Papa Joe, but she understood why I needed to get as far from him as humanly possible. He was poison, and I was deeply infected.

"Thanks for keeping an eye on her, I'm just so afraid that Phillip will do something to her one day," I began to ramble, truly afraid that she would die at his hands one way or another.

"She's going to be fine," Demitri consoled me.

"You keep telling me that, but somehow I just can't make myself believe it," I responded.

"You need to have a little more faith in me," he reasoned.

"I'll try." Yawning, I looked at the clock on the monitor, realizing it was nearly nine pm. "I should probably sign off, I haven't been sleeping well. The rain still bothers me," I qualified.

"Can I watch you get ready for bed?" Demitri asked. I could almost see his tail wagging at the prospect.

"No, you nitwit. Good night," I said.

"I love you," Demitri intoned. I made a face and gave him my middle finger in response. He laughed and shook his head at my vulgar gesture.

I logged off before Demitri could say anything else to try and embarrass me. He was always attempting to court my affections, but I didn't see him that way. Demitri was and always will be my lynch pin. At any point he could obliterate me without so much as breaking a sweat. How could I possibly share romantic feelings with the person who threatened to kill me? Yet that reality didn't stop Demitri's feelings for me. I could never tell if he was willing to abandon his initial threats or not, thus I never entertained the possibility of opening up to Demitri in order to save my life.

The weekend ended too quickly, but when Monday rolled around, I felt as if I had gotten my first good night's sleep since moving. I felt quite buoyant throughout my morning classes, but with one unintentional scan of the cafeteria, my high spirits came tumbling down. There, sitting amongst his siblings as if nothing were the matter was Edward. My heart rate jumped an alarming rate, causing Edward to look in my direction. We made eye contact and something stirred in me. It was as if gravity was exerting it's undeniable force on me and I felt...comforted by his presence. My heart resumed its normal pace, and I smiled.

Edward, seemingly caught off guard returned the gesture, a beautifully crooked grin spreading across his face, causing my heart to race once more. I couldn't seem to control my body's responses around him, and I felt oddly careless in his presence. I looked down, embarrassed, and when I glanced back up, he was still looking, expectantly like he had been the first day I laid eyes on him. I broke the trance when my stomach growled, notifying me that I had yet to get my lunch. Fleeing to the end of the line, I berated myself for such behavior. I couldn't allow this...this crush to flourish.

Such were the nature of my thoughts throughout lunch, Jessica my only distraction. I worked diligently to keep my eyes on anyone but him and failed miserably. Every time my gaze shifted, I would meet his. It was infuriating that I couldn't at least glance in his direction without the embarrassment of him looking back at me. Yet, what troubled me the most wasn't what he was thinking during these moments, but rather what I was thinking. Every time our eyes made contact, there was some sort of pull from inside me, longing to keep his seraphic beauty in my sight. When I would look away, and it was always my eyes that diverted first, I could feel the pain of loss so violently I would almost look back.

When lunch finally ended, I looked up and Edward was already gone. _Had he run like last week?_ I thought as I gathered my food tray and book bag, throwing away my trash and placing the tray with its brothers before stepping out into the biting cold. I knew it was still possible that I would be alone again today as I made my way to my next class, but that did not stop my stomach from doing flip-flops with each step I took. I shuffled into the building, reminding myself that this person, this entity that I am assigned to work with ultimately has control over the situation, and should he decide to take me, I would have no power to stop him.

Yet this information did not matter to me as I made eye contact with the enchanting creature sitting at the lab table I had to myself the week before. Edward's eyes today were like topaz, and after taking my seat, it soon it became clear that Edward _had_ done everything in his power to prepare for today's lesson...with me.

"Hello," he said. I noticed his lips move in the unmistakable pattern necessary to form this word, and my eyes immediately were filled with his. "My name is Edward, you must be Bella."

"Yes, but how did you know to call me that?" I asked stupidly. I had not anticipated such civility from Edward. I didn't expect him to talk to me at all seeing as how I was the reason for his sudden disappearance, at least that's what I thought. He had me terribly confused with his response to me today, and I decided I needed to get more information.

"That is your name, right?" he responded.

"Yes, but everyone here seems to know me as Isabella, I think my father uses my full name when he talks about me," I clumsily returned.

"Would you prefer Isabella?" he asked. The way his lips formed my name reminded me so much of Demitri, and suddenly I felt a twinge of anxiety that I was ogling this creature when I knew Demitri felt so strongly about me.

"No, I prefer Bella," I responded shrilly, turning toward the front of the class to regain my composure. _This could not be happening!_ I implored silently. I shouldn't be...I stopped myself short. _Edward is a vampire_ I repeated over and over as I contemplated my friend's reaction to Edward and his family. It didn't seem possible that the Cullens could live free of the Volutri all the time. A_t least one of them would have met Demitri at some point_, I concluded. Then it occurred to me, w_ould Demitri exact my punishment were he to find out about my situation?_

Edward, undeterred, postured himself so that I could see him speak, "Is something the matter?" he asked, his features still devastating as he crinkled the skin between his eyes in confusion.

"No, it's just," I started, not sure how to respond. I looked at him, which proved to be the wrong action. "You remind me of a friend," I said. I had not wanted to bring up Demitri, for it was dangerous territory for both of us, but every time I peered into Edward's topaz eyes, I lost all sense of censure.

"How so?" he continued.

Treading lightly, I responded, "when you said my full name, it reminded me of how he says it."

"But I thought you were, I mean I was told you are deaf," Edward said questioningly.

"I am," I confirmed.

"Then how is it that-" he began.

"The way your lips form words is telling of how you pronounce them. You simply formed my name in a similar fashion as my friend is all." I cut him off, trying my best to close the subject quickly.

"I see, how does that work exactly?" he asked. Now it was my turn to be confused.

"I don't understand to what your question tends," I responded politely.

"When you read lips, can you imagine what the speaker sounds like, or do you just digest the raw data and produce viable information?" It seemed like he was genuinely interested in my ability.

"It depends. If I heard your voice before I lost my hearing, I can easily place tone with the words that I witness, but if not, I have a few set male and female voices I insert to help differentiate." It was rather difficult to explain, but Edward seemed to understand.

"So because you've never heard my voice, can you describe what you think I sound like?" _An angel _I thought. Just then I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, and I realized that Mr. Banner had started giving instructions to the class. I turned my attention to him, hoping Edward would understand why I didn't answer him, while at the same time trying to think of who he would sound like to me. Today, we were looking through a microscope to determine the different phases of mitosis in an onion root, putting into practice what Mr. Banner had taught last week.

Mr. Banner went to each table, supplying us with the slides that would hold the exercise. After he distributed everything, I pulled out the first one, sliding it into place, and adjusting the magnification to 400x. "Prophase," I said knowledgeably as I moved to remove the slide. Just then, I felt Edward's cold hand stop mine.

Looking at him, he asked, "may I?" Whatever my face revealed must have discouraged him because he removed his hand quickly, reconstructing the wall that he had previously set.

"Of course," I intoned softly as I moved the microscope over to his side of the table. I continued to stare at him as he peered momentarily into the scope.

"Prophase," he said while removing the slide and placing the next in the microscope. As he did this I couldn't help but wonder what exactly it was that I had just experienced. To most people Edward's cold rigid hands would be shocking enough, but that isn't what shocked me. No, it felt as if an electric current passed between us when his skin made contact with mine. Yet it felt, pleasant, and all I wanted was to touch him again, to see if the electricity would be there.

"Anaphase," Edward pronounced.

He moved again to remove the second slide, causing me to speak up, "may I?" I used Edward's same question, eliciting a smirk as he passed the microscope back to me. I took as fleeting of a glance as I could before acquiescing. "Anaphase," I said. I removed the slide this time, holding out my hand for the next one. Edward, perhaps leery of skin to skin contact, dropped the slide into my hand. I clicked it into place, and adjusting the scope calling out, "metaphase." This time, I moved the microscope over without provocation, gaining another impish grin from Edward as he confirmed my answer.

We worked the last two slides in this manner, finishing before anyone else. I suddenly felt very conscious of the fact that we had several moments of idle time to spare. Edward must have realized this as well, for he moved just enough to place his face in my line of sight. "You never answered my question," he said just as Mr. Banner came over to our table.

"Done already?" he asked.

"Yes, we are," Edward answered.

"Did you even allow Bella an opportunity to look at the slides Edward?" He looked scornfully at our correct answers as he said this.

"She recognized three of the five slides," Edward responded.

"He's right," I said quietly.

"Have you done this lab before?" Mr. Banner asked me.

"Yes, our classes move more quickly back at home," I responded.

"Well then, I suppose it's a good thing you're paired with Edward then," he responded before moving to the next table. I couldn't understand what had Mr. Banner so upset, but just as my thoughts started to ruminate over the encounter, Edward grabbed my attention once more.

"What do I sound like in your mind?" he asked.

"I suppose if I had to designate a voice who may be similar to yours," I stalled. "I would go with either Andrew McCarthy or James Spader." That was the best I could come up with under the circumstances, as I always thought that Demitri sounded like James Spader, but Edward's personality wasn't as dark as Demitri's.

"Pretty in Pink?" he asked.

"Yes, that was my favorite movie growing up, therefore the characters' voices are most prominent to me still," I defended. In fact, all of the movies from the John Hughes era were near and dear to me.

"That makes sense," Edward mused. "But I don't sound like either of them."

I forced a smile, feeling as if the wind had been knocked out of me. Most days I could live with the reality of silence, most days that is. Not getting the opportunity to hear Edward's voice suddenly became unbearable, and I had to call upon all my inner strength to collect myself, hoping Edward wouldn't notice.

"You're upset," he determined. _Damn it, he's too observant_ I ranted silently.

"No, I'm not," I evaded.

"Why are you lying?" he asked.

"I just," I took a shaky breath. He was making this difficult. "It upsets me at times."

"I apologize, I did not realize," he paused. "You were rather candid before," he added.

I smiled, genuinely this time, before responding. "Most of the time, I am candid with my disability, but every so often I am unable to avoid the yearning..." I trailed off. I hoped Edward understood.

"Yes, I can imagine," he said. I looked into his eyes and for a moment I saw a kindred spirit. Believing he could understand a great deal of my anxiety, my heart longed to comfort this dark but obviously humane individual, for he lived a life apart. I suppose if it weren't for his family he would be alone. It must be difficult, not being able to live a normal existence, always hiding your true nature for fear of condemnation. Both of us remained transfixed for an immeasurable moment before Mr. Banner called the class's attention, breaking the spell. I tried to focus the rest of class, but as always Edward proved to be a potent distraction. When the bell rang, Edward fled just as he had the Monday last.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: As always, read, review, and be merry! I desperately need your support, and reviews are the best medicine to cure the underdeveloped literary self-esteem.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer.**

Chapter Four

I worked the rest of the day to figure out what it was exactly that bubbled up inside me during both lunch and biology. Yet, when I finally got ready for bed, I was more confused than ever. That night, I dreamt of those men, the ones who abducted me four years ago. They had taken me to Cote d'Ivoire, a war-torn country locked in a bitter civil war.

The men who took me were rebels who mutinied from the army and overtook the northern half of the country in 2002. I was merely a pawn, a toy for them, and while they did what they pleased with me, I refused to die. The dream was always the same, a nightmare if you will, but tonight I was unable to force myself awake, caught up in the violence and terror.

I dreamt of the night I was abducted, once again going through every detail, trying to think of what I could have done differently. It was twelve against one, poor odds at best. I was lucky I didn't get killed that night, after the heel of my right foot connected with one man's lower chin, kicking his head back so quickly his neck and spinal cord snapped like a twig. They beat me within an inch of my life when he dropped dead. I spent several hours bleeding on the bed of the military jeep they used to pick me up, passing through three small countries on the way to their base of operations.

There were several stops the jeep made, checkpoints along each country's border, and had I yelled or done anything, the men would have been questioned or subject to a search of the vehicle. But the bottom line was, I was afraid. I knew instinctively that if I made a scene, all it would take is a bullet to the head, ending everything right then and there. So I bid my time, hoping to gain some advantage in the coming days.

That hope died quickly though when I realized they were taking me to the middle of nowhere. I would later find out that the little village I was imprisoned at was just outside a city called Odienne, located in the Northwestern corner of the country. It was at this location where I would grudgingly survive day after day of abuse, until I lost track of time.

Finally my alarm clock jolted me out of my nightmare, leaving me more exhausted than I had felt in some time. I got ready for school, unenthused as I looked at the bags under my eyes. Walking out the door, I realized the temperature dropped so low during the night that the rainfall froze, leaving a thick layer of ice on the roads. _Yay!_

I walked carefully to my LR4, grabbing onto the rear view mirror when I nearly slipped on the ice. Getting in, I turned the ignition, mindful of the fact that this trip would take me much longer since I was not used to driving on ice. Barely hitting 20 miles per hour, I eventually got to school safely.

I got out and closed the door before I noticed a flash come from my rear tire. Walking toward it, I found that my tire was encased in snow chains, and I realized that it was for this reason I arrived safely today. Charlie must have gotten up extra early this morning to retrofit my tires with them, and I felt oddly choked up. Never had anyone taken care of me like this. To his credit though, Charlie had never been given the opportunity until now.

The next few moments happened in slow motion, as if I was granted the ability to stretch time and view events with precision and definition. I felt the ground beneath my feet shake slightly, and I looked up in time to see Edward look at me from across the parking lot in horror. I turned and saw a blue van careening wildly toward me, clearly out of control on the slick road.

I didn't have time enough to move, but rather than die squished in between my vehicle and the van, I felt a strong force push me to the ground. My head hit the parking lot and whoever had me pinned to the ground took the impact from the van along with my LR4. Yet the van slid further, aiming once again for me, and I saw the person who had saved my life lift up the neighboring tan car and fling my legs under the tire, sticking both hands out to stop the van's progress.

Once the van came to a complete stop, Edward's face came into view. "Bella! Are you all right?" he asked as he worriedly looked over me for any sign of trauma. I couldn't hear the melee building around us from the wreck, but I could sense several sets of feet pushing their way closer to me and Edward. I told him I was fine, and when I moved to get up, his iron-like grip kept me where I was.

"How did you get to me so quickly?" I asked. I knew if I didn't question him now, I may never have another opportunity to get Edward to open up to me.

I knew he didn't trust me when he responded. "I think you may have a concussion," he said. He looked anxious as I witnessed his response.

"I'm fine, really," I said as I mentally assessed the pain from my head hitting the concrete. "But I know I saw you standing near your car," I persisted.

"Bella, I was standing next to you, and I pulled you out of the way," Edward intoned. He was now bald-face lying to me, and I had to get him to understand that I wouldn't just let this go.

"No, you weren't," I said. I stared him down, daring him to lie to me again.

His eyes gave away his anxiety, and his response surprised me. "Please, Bella." He wanted me to lie for him, to say he was there with me when the van came at me. It was at this moment I knew I would be able to get the truth out of him should I want to.

"Why?" I persisted, wanting him to validate my hunch.

"Trust me," Edward pleaded.

Bingo. "Will you promise to explain everything later?" I responded.

"Fine," he said. He smoldered me with his eyes, unleashing the full impact of his power on me. I acquiesced silently, but I could tell Edward was dissatisfied with the result. I focused on keeping warm, and soon there were several men from the fire department there pulling the van away, freeing me and Edward.

They strapped a neck brace to me after Edward told them I hit my head, and they got me onto the stretcher while I protested the whole time. I glanced around at the faces of shock and fear, and could not help but notice the complete gall the Cullens emitted, as if they were appalled that Edward would exert his power in front of the lowly humans. I mentally filed that picture away for further review.

The paramedics were getting me into the ambulance just as Charlie come around the back looking for me. He looked so worried, telling me he would meet me at the hospital. I saw Edward walk by then, and I asked the paramedic why he gets to move freely when he was involved in the accident as well. The paramedic just shrugged before he went back to working on gathering my vitals. As we departed I could only imagine Charlie at the front, escorting me to the hospital in his cruiser.

Once I was admitted into the ER, they took x-rays then left me alone long enough for me to discard the damn neck brace. I sat up and noticed Tyler Crowley, the driver in the van, was in the next bed and in pretty bad shape.

"I'm so sorry Bella," he said as I looked on.

"It's okay Tyler, I only got bumped on the head, that's all." I could tell Tyler was in pain, and I prayed his distress would go away once they medicated him.

"I don't know what happened! My brakes went out, and the ice, oh my God I could have killed you!" he continued to rant.

"The fact is you didn't. Edward was there to pull me out of the way," I reminded him.

"I couldn't believe he did that. I didn't even see him near you," Tyler said. _Of course you didn't_, I thought, _he was on the other side of the parking lot when everything started_. Just then I saw movement to my right and turned my head to investigate. Edward walked up to me, a desperate look in his eyes. When he noticed me looking at him, his demeanor changed, as if he were trying to hide whatever it was he gave away.

"Edward," Tyler began. "I am so sorry-"

Edward held out his hand to the poor sod, "No blood no foul," he said jokingly. I nearly burst into hysterics at the reference before it hit me. Edward was able to stand near human blood without issue. If he could handle his instincts here in a hospital of all places, then why was my scent so unbearable?

"So, what's the verdict?" he prompted as he faced me head-on.

"I'm fine. Why aren't you strapped to a gurney like the rest of us?" I asked. I needed to appear incensed at his freedom if I was going to cover what I already knew.

"It's all about who you know," responded Edward. I noticed a young man walking toward us in a white lab coat and well-tailored slacks and shirt. He looked up at us, Edward turning to face the newest addition. Their eyes looked almost exactly alike, leading me to believe this must be Edward's adopted father.

"So, Miss Swan, how are you feeling?" he asked me as he moved around Edward. They shared a glance I didn't understand before he came to stand right in front of me.

"I'm fine," I said for the umpteenth time. I was getting rather irritated at the inane question. Dr. Cullen moved slightly to flick the switch for the light board which was affixed to the wall next to my bed.

"Your x-rays look good," he commented as he examined the film which represented the negative of my head. "Does your head hurt? Edward said you hit it pretty hard." Dr. Cullen looked at me for a response, and I got the distinct feeling he was holding his breath in anticipation.

"It's fine," I reiterated. I turned to Edward, scowling that he had to make such a big deal about my head. I returned my gaze to Dr. Cullen who brought his hands to my head, feeling for the spot where I made contact with the concrete. It was tender and when he touched it, I winced in pain.

"Tender?"

"I've had worse," I responded. Dr. Cullen looked sympathetically at me, no doubt trying to get a glimpse of my scars. I turned away from his scrutiny, immediately regretful that I used those particular words.

"Well, there doesn't seem to be any reason to keep you here," Dr. Cullen intoned once I looked back up at him. He still looked at me softly, and I could tell he wanted to ask me about my abduction. Thankfully he refrained from doing so. "You're father is here to take you home," he added.

"Can't I just go back to school?" I asked. I didn't like being singled out, and I certainly didn't feel worse for wear.

"Not today. I think it would be best if you took it easy. Go home and rest," Dr. Cullen responded.

"Does he get to go back to school?" I persisted, pointing to Edward.

"Someone has to spread the news that we survived," Edward retorted, smirking at me in obvious pleasure.

"Actually, most of the school seems to be in the waiting room," Dr. Cullen noted as he signed the paperwork in his hand.

"Oh no," I groaned. I didn't want to face the scrutiny of our peers, no doubt intrigued by my miraculous survival.

"Do you want to stay?" Dr. Cullen said.

"No!" I hollered, jumping off the bed to get out of there. Though I didn't feel light-headed, I was weak on my feet and almost fell over. Dr. Cullen gently grabbed my arm to steady me. "I'm fine," I said before he could ask.

"If you feel any pain just take two Tylenol every four to six hours," Dr. Cullen instructed. "And if you begin seeing black spots or feel nauseous, come back here." I nodded in understanding. "It sounds like you were lucky," Dr. Cullen added.

"Lucky Edward happened to be standing next to me," I responded.

Dr. Cullen looked over at his son, and I could tell he was upset. "Oh, well, yes," he responded before moving away from me to attend to Tyler's wounds.

I walked up to Edward who seemed to cower from me as I approached. "Can I talk to you?" I hissed, trying to give Edward the impression I had no idea how well his father could actually hear me.

"You're father is waiting for you," was Edward's response.

"I'd like to speak with you alone, if you don't mind." He glared at me for a second longer, then turned around and started walking out of the E.R. I had to practically run to keep up, and he stopped after turning down a deserted hallway.

"What do you want?" Edward demanded.

"You owe me an explanation," I responded. He was staring daggers at me which I pointedly ignored as I faced off with this beautiful and deadly creature.

"I saved your life, I don't owe you anything." I looked at him, acutely aware that he was right, but for some reason I was hurt by his words. _Why do I care?_ I wondered. But I already knew the answer. I wanted to get to know Edward as more than just a vampire, and I needed to break his shell if I was going to have any shot at learning more about him.

"You promised," I whispered.

"Bella, you hit your head. You don't know what you're talking about."

I was angry at his words, how could he presume to know what I did or didn't understand? "Nothing is wrong with my head," I said slowly.

"What do you want from me Bella?" Edward demanded. I could tell his anger also rose with my response.

"I want to know the truth, I want to know why I'm lying for you," I responded. _I also have to continue this charade so that you don't suspect what I already know about you. _Any sane person would question Edward.

"What do you think happened?"

"I-" I paused in thought. "You pushed the van away from us. You weren't standing anywhere near me." I stared up at him as I ranted. "I saw you by your car before I saw the van. Even Tyler doesn't remember seeing you! You...you stopped the van's movement with your hands!" I held up both my hands in illustration. Could he not see that I had witnessed the whole thing! I wanted Edward to believe that I could be trusted, I just had no clue how to gain his trust.

"You think I lifted a van off you?" he asked incredulously, staying true to his act. I nodded. "No one will believe you," he added as he watched my reaction.

"I wasn't going to tell anyone," I retorted. I wanted his trust, why would I go around blabbing about his abilities?

"Why does it matter then?" he asked.

"It matters to me. I don't like to lie, so there better be a good reason why I'm doing it," I responded. I hated lying, and to hear from his lips the truth would make living amongst his family infinitely easier to bear. I wouldn't have to keep acting as if I didn't already know about their kind.

"Can't you just thank me and get over it?" he questioned.

"Thank you," I spat. I hardened my look, trying to show Edward just how unwilling I was to forget this whole incident.

"You're not going to let this go, are you?" he asked at last.

"No." The battle lines were drawn.

"Then I hope you enjoy disappointment." Edward turned and walked quickly away, leaving me there in the hallway seething. I had not meant to get so riled up over all this, but Edward was pressing all my buttons. I couldn't just forget the fact that he saved my life, disregarding his own safety. What if I wasn't the only person who witnessed his actions? Why did Edward put his entire family in jeopardy just to keep me safe? None of it made any sense.

I turned around and headed down the hallway to exit the hospital. My father along with most of the junior class was in the waiting room looking expectantly at each other. I wondered if their morbid curiosity brought them here or if it was their worry over Tyler and me. I shook the thought from my head, not wanting to contemplate the depravity of teenagers and walked up to Charlie.

"I'm clear to leave," I said to my father.

"Good, I'll get the cruiser," Charlie responded.

"I can walk with you." I didn't really want to stand around and be interrogated by my fellow students while he went to pull the cruiser around.

"Sure sweetie." We left the waiting area, Charlie careful to give me my distance. Perhaps he was afraid I would break if he touched me after my near death experience. We drove home in silence, allowing me an opportunity to think of a plan. I couldn't continue interacting with Edward without letting him know somehow that I knew his secret. It was unfair to him, and I desperately wanted to understand how he could integrate so well into this small town, enough that he and his siblings go to school and his father practices medicine at a hospital. Yet when we got home, I was no closer to an answer.

Charlie told me that my car was drivable, but would need repairs. I decided to call the dealership in Seattle I used to buy the vehicle and ask them to come pick up my LR4. They towed my vehicle and brought me a replacement car, a Mini Cooper, until the repairs were finished.

I took two Tylenol and went to lie down in my room. Soon I was sound asleep, the adrenaline leaving my body exhausted. When I woke, it was dark out. I desperately wanted to consult with Demitri, get him to tell me the things I wanted to know about the Cullens and the Hales, but I knew he would be upset. Perhaps he would even advise me to leave; I just couldn't take the risk.

Instead, I decided to get out my assignments and work ahead. It always helped me learn the material better when I had attempted it prior to the lecture. In no time I was finished, and thankfully I was tired again. I went downstairs to grab a glass of milk, wishing Charlie good night, and I drifted to sleep once more.

That night I dreamt of Edward for the first time. We were in the forest, the ever present green that surrounded each of us every day, and he was there walking away from me. No matter what I did I could never reach him, yet I was transfixed by the glow of his skin in the semi darkness. I would call out to him, but he never turned around, never slowed. I woke up with a start a couple minutes before my alarm, upset that I could be so infatuated with this creature so quickly. I tried in vain to convince myself that he was not worth it. The bottom line was, I wanted to get to know him, but I was afraid of how I would react to such intimacy.

**Please drop a review for my fledgling ego! I know it's never easy, but I would appreciate your support :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

The next day I decided to apologize to Edward, hoping my olive branch would smooth out any wrinkles between us, and perhaps he would become more comfortable with sharing the truth. Armed with my decision, my morning classes became monotonous, everyone asking me how I felt and how terrific is was that I didn't get hurt. No one seemed to remember that it was Edward's actions that saved my life, and I made a point to tell those who forgot.

Of course I never mentioned my other observations, ones related to his secret. I was mindful of the fact that he or his siblings were most likely tuning into my conversations. Thankfully lunch arrived eventually, and before moving to the lunch line, I dared a glance over at his table. My heart sped rapidly as I contemplated what I was going to say, but then I realized Edward didn't even look up at me. Perplexed, I got in line, grabbing whatever my hand hit first, and moved to sit at my usual spot.

It was clear that Edward was upset, his intense staring contest with the food on his tray the only indication I had that he was working diligently not to look up. Too soon, lunch ended and Edward made a bee line for the exit. I quickly disposed of my trash and walked to biology hoping to catch up to him ahead of our other classmates. I sat in the spot next to Edward, turning to him as my heart once again sped at an incredible rate, before saying, "Edward, I want to apologize for how I acted yesterday. I was upset from everything that happened. I'm sorry."

Edward moved his head slightly nodding once before returning to his former position, and all communication between the two of us essentially ended after that. Every day he acted as if I didn't exist during biology, looking forward and never addressing me whatsoever. In lunch, he ignored me also. I never once saw his head stray my direction, and it irked me to no end. _He must regret saving me_ I mused one day as I made my way to biology, my new least favorite subject.

I wanted to confront him, to demand to know why he did everything in his power to close himself off, but I was afraid of his answer. I assumed he was angry, with whom though I could never tell. During the one hour every day we spent trying to purge each other's existence from our memories, I would witness Edward clench his fist in the most perplexing manner.

This was all the emotion he displayed, and my experience always proved that clenched fists point to either fear or anger. I couldn't imagine Edward fearing anything aside from exposure, and since I had clearly demonstrated my ability to keep a secret anger was my only other option.

What bothered me more, however, were my own reactions to Edward. I didn't want him to be angry or scared, and I found myself daydreaming. I would imagine my hand overlaying his, coaxing him to release the tension that built up throughout class. I would tell him it was okay, that I understood the intense pressure of secrecy. I imagined telling Edward all my secrets, allowing him to see me for what I am, or what I had been.

Then reality hit me every time, dousing me in its ice-cold water like a swim in the Arctic Ocean. If he knew any part of my past, I had no doubt he would either kill me himself or allow the next near death experience to wipe me off the planet for good. No, I could never tell him about what I had done or who I had become.

February finally turned into March, and I learned through several girls in multiple classes that there would be a school dance in two weeks. It was girl's choice, thus every hormonal teenager with a vagina sat around musing over who they would ask to the dance instead of just doing it.

I, on the other hand, made a point to keep my head down and ignore the chatter as best I could. I couldn't dance no matter how often I worked to remedy that. Mike, to my dismay, started hanging around me more and more; perhaps emboldened by Edward's apparent disinterest in me. Regardless, it was unsettling, especially today.

He came up to me as he usually did these days, and perched himself on the other side of the lab table, talking nonsense when suddenly it happened.

"Bella, I was wondering if you had asked anyone yet to the Spring Fling?" He glanced over toward Edward. _Did he think Edward was his competition?_ I thought.

"No, why?" I inquired.

"Well, I was just wondering if you would want to ask me?" I felt the air shift to my right, a rare occurrence in this room, and noticed Edward tilt his head ever so slightly to position his vantage toward us.

"Isn't it girl's choice?" I reminded.

"Yes, but I thought-"

"I can't, I have plans that weekend," I said. I felt horrible telling golden-retriever Mike no, but I could not go to that dance.

"Oh, big date?" he asked, again looking at Edward.

"No, I have to be in Seattle that weekend," I did not elaborate.

"I see, well are you sure?" _God! Why can't the boy leave well enough alone?_ I screamed internally.

"Yes, I'm positive, I'm sorry." I worked every nerve to not scream NO at Mike. He was getting to be more and more like a whiny baby than I had tolerance for.

"Well, it was worth a shot," he mused as he smiled at me before walking over to his table.

The rest of class resumed its normal course, but when I was gathering my things, I felt Edward's hand touch my shoulder, gaining my attention. "I," he started. It seemed as if he were collecting his thoughts, a very human gesture. "I want to apologize for not speaking to you these last few weeks, but I felt it was for the best."

"Then why stop now?" I shot, surprised by the sudden surge of anger.

"It's just, it's for the best, that we not be friends or anything," he continued undeterred.

"I get it; you regret saving me, you don't have to sugarcoat it." I looked at him and saw complete shock cross his face and then anger. _Was I wrong?_ I thought.

"Bella, you're insane if you think I regret saving you," he chided me as if I were a child.

"No, you're insane if you think I will just accept your apology after this last month of complete torture. I want so much to believe that you mean what you say, but actions speak louder and more resolute than words ever will." I grabbed by things, trying my best to keep my cool, and I stormed to the door before I tripped and fell to my knees. All my things spilled onto the floor in front of me, but before I had an opportunity to collect them, he was there, helping me. I looked up in time to see his softened features close up into the mask he wore so well. _I should just open up to him first_ I thought. Fortunately my rational side took over just then, and I thanked Edward quietly as I took my things from his grasp, standing and walking toward gym.

Gym was in a word, miserable. We were learning to play basketball, and needless to say I fell several times, taking three other students with me at one point. I couldn't seem to focus, my conversation with Edward weighing heavily on my mind. Of course he didn't believe it was in his best interest to befriend a measly human, why would he? But today I saw an emotion that I never witnessed with Edward, compassion. _What had he seen or experienced that caused such a shift?_ I wondered as the basketball hit me at the knees, sending me tumbling to the ground once more.

Finally the torture ended, and I made my way to my LR4. My heart skipped a beat when I saw a person lurking around my vehicle, irrationally hoping it was Edward. The person turned to face me, and I grimaced when my eyes alighted upon Eric Yorkie instead. Closing the gap between us, he asked, "Bella, I was wondering if you would like to go to the Spring Fling with me?"

"Isn't it the girl's job to ask the boy?" I responded sharply. Why was it that all of a sudden two boys decide to ask me out when all I want was...oh Lord.

"Yes, but I thought it would be okay if I took the initiative." He grinned at me, hoping perhaps that I found him funny. I didn't.

"I understand," I started, "but I already have plans for that weekend."

"Oh yeah, Mike said something about you going to Seattle," Eric said.

"So you spoke to Mike?" I asked. Suddenly I was feeling less amicable toward the male species.

"He mentioned it last period, why?" he seemed genuinely confused.

"It doesn't matter. I do need to be in Seattle that weekend, and unfortunately I can't change my plans." I said this with more force this time. I didn't want to drag this out any further.

"That's cool. I figured it wouldn't hurt to try you know?" he seemed unaffected by the situation. I was glad.

"Right," I said. He waved goodbye as I grabbed the door handle, and Edward walked by, chuckling. He shot me a glance, no doubt letting me know he was laughing at my expense. Frustrated, I got in and pulled out quickly, too quickly. I almost hit a neighboring car, and when that obstacle was out of my way, I noticed Edward had pulled out and was now waiting for his siblings to join him. They were moving at an insanely slow human pace, it was infuriating. I gazed at Edward in his shiny Volvo and saw him looking at me through the rearview mirror. _What the hell?_ I thought.

I turned when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye only to be face to face with Tyler Crowley. He was standing on the passenger side of my vehicle, and when I looked back, I noticed his mom's Kia was sitting behind me, door open, and a line forming behind us. I looked back, and Tyler was motioning for me to open my window.

"Hey, I was just wondering if you would like to go to the Spring Fling with me?" he asked as the automatic window rolled out of sight.

"No, I have plans in Seattle that weekend that I cannot break." I said this with more force than I had intended, but both Mike and Eric had worn down my nerves, and I was a live wire now.

"Sure, whatever," he said almost flippantly, as if he didn't believe me. "We still have prom," he continued before bolting back to his car. I wanted to scream, livid beyond comprehension when I noticed Edward laughing hysterically. He pulled out on purpose! _Did he know that Tyler was going to do that?_ I wondered as Edward finally shot forward in his car leaving us in his dust. I fumed all the way home, contemplating the possibilities. Maybe Edward was clairvoyant, or perhaps he overheard Tyler speaking to his friends. Regardless, Edward went below the belt to get a laugh I decided as I worked to forget the events of this afternoon.

I texted Demitri, letting him know I would be available to chat later if he had time. I had been avoiding him lately, morose and depressed about the state of things at school, but I decided that I couldn't continue to allow Edward to have so much power over me. When nine pm rolled around, I heard my computer chirp at me, indicating that I was receiving a chat request. Accepting the invitation, I tried not to show any emotion as Demitri's face flooded the computer screen.

"Did I do something to upset you, duchessa?" he asked. I could clearly see worry lines marring his beautiful face.

"No, why would you say that?" I responded questioningly.

"You've been avoiding me," he pronounced.

"I've been busy with school," I reasoned.

"Not even on your busiest nights in London would you ever deny me the opportunity to speak with you, what's changed?" He was upset; I could tell it was taking a great effort for him to keep his voice modulated.

"Demitri, I have to get used to this place. It's not easy, exiling myself like this." I couldn't keep lying to him, but I couldn't tell him the truth either.

"Did you meet someone?" he asked.

"Not like that," I responded. Of course I've met people, and it's clear after today's fiasco that some of the boys here like me, but I don't reciprocate their feelings.

"You can tell me, I told you before it wouldn't hurt my feelings," he continued.

"And I believe you, but as I just said, I am not seeing anyone." I hoped my voice carried the finality that the statement indicated.

"Are you unhappy there?" Demitri asked.

"No, it's just an adjustment still," I said meekly. I could feel my resolve crumble as I continued to look at my one true friend in the world. "I think I may be falling for someone, but he doesn't care about me," I blurted. I covered my face with my hands, willing the tears to stay put. After several moments, I knew he would grow impatient with me so I looked up only to be met with Demitri's anger. I felt several tears spill over, unable to hold back any longer. "I'm so sorry," I whispered.

"What have you to apologize for?" Demitri asked.

"You're upset," I qualified, watching as Demitri worked to keep his emotion in check.

"Duchessa, you have nothing to apologize for. I'm only upset that this good for nothing boy doesn't see you like you do him." I choked back the laughter that nearly escaped my lips. _If he only knew,_ I mused. "You know how I feel for you; it's only natural for me to internalize your pain, your happiness also."

"I wish you wouldn't. It's not fair to you to feel my grief," I sighed.

"Isabella, it is worth every moment of sorrow to feel any happiness of yours," Demitri retorted. I could tell I had struck a nerve as his eyes grew perceptibly darker. "Without you, true and unadulterated joy would be out of reach for a creature like me. My friendship with you is the single most valuable thing I have."

"Stop," I implored. I couldn't listen to this man's platitudes when I knew very well how my continued existence balanced on the edge of a knife that Demitri held.

"Why?" he asked.

"You're embarrassing me," I said. "And besides, you're not so horrible that you shouldn't be allowed your own joy in this world." _Was I lying? _I wondered. "Why do you maintain this idea that I am the sole provider of your happiness? In fact, were it not for you, I wouldn't be here, we never would have become friends, and I never would have been able to find my own happiness. So you see, while you may think that you're incapable of creating joy and happiness, that's exactly what you did for me." The problem, I thought, is the fact that my life ceased to be my own the moment you intervened.

"Touché," Demitri said. "Then it would stand to reason that we help each other out?"

"Of course," I responded.

"Then let me help you. Don't wallow in your doubt over this boy. Tell him how you feel, I know you're capable. I've seen you battle the worst type of men, and here you are acting like a love-sick teenager scared of her own shadow."

"What if I don't know my own feelings?" I challenged.

"You care for this boy right?" Demitri questioned.

"Yes," I said confidently.

"Then you know how you feel." Demitri smugly hooked his arms over his chest, as if he had settled the issue then and there.

"But what if he rejects me?" I asked, acting very much the way Demitri just pointed out.

"Then he's not worth your grief. Point is, you'll never know unless you do something about it," Demetri smiled then, a rare occurrence to say the least.

"Am I still worth your time Demitri, even though I..." I let the statement drop.

"Yes, but only because I know you care for me, even if it is not in the same regard as I do for you," Demitri's eyes softened, a wistful yet sorrowful look escaping his typical facade, and I knew once again that I caused him pain because I did not love him. Aside from my usual distrust for the creature that held my existence captive, I wondered how I could love when I had lost faith in love years ago. The lies Papa Joe fed me coupled with the terror I experienced in Cote d'Ivoire caused me to distrust the concept of love. Love was for people who were honest and forthcoming, and my family, save for Charlie, was the epitome of dishonesty and secrecy.

Thank you," I said. "It's getting late; I should probably get ready for bed."

"Sleep well my duchessa," Demitri said.

"What, no nasty innuendo?" I teased.

"I'm not in the mood," he said.

"What? When have you not been in the mood?" I acted scandalized.

"I swear, this has never happened to me before," Demitri said, grinning impishly.

"You're verbally impotent!" I exclaimed.

"Goodnight duchessa," Demitri said laughing.

"Sweet dreams," I retorted. He shook his head as he logged off, leaving me feeling better than I had for the last several weeks. I got ready for bed, and thought about what he said. Of course he didn't know the individual I was speaking of, but if he was so willing to be with me, a measly human, why not Edward? I slept that night dreaming of Edward, only this time he wasn't running. However, I could not seem to get to him, I would say his name, and every once in awhile he would take a step closer to me until he was only feet away. I could see his skin glow even though it was almost completely dark around us. I wanted to touch him, but I had no control, I could not even lift my arm. I said his name again and Edward smiled, his glorious features lighting up like never before. He lifted his arm, outstretched it really, and very slowly his hand touched my warm skin. I woke in a flash, the electricity from our touch nearly burning my skin. I raised my hand to my cheek, and I could feel the blood as it still rushed just beneath the flimsy surface that covered my body.


End file.
